life in slow motion.

all day, all i do is focus on what i'm doing. I encase myself  in my selfishness and never pay attention to the beauty of the world. i realized that  if you ever take a walk in beautiful weather or rainy you should just take a minute to enjoy the beauty of it because if you do you will put yourself in your inner serenity and you find joy that  is a very rare feeling.

where can you find this feeling?

what is it about sex?

what is it about sex that is so... "must have"? I mean after we are done want to have more (and guys let's face it that IS what we think about all day). After every time it happens i feel unsatisfied and depressed. But, at the same time i want more. It is like a bad smoking addiction that makes no sense and eats you up from inside. All i want is to be normal (what is normal?). a complete abstinent person. One that doesn't think about it all the time. one that has complete peace of mind and confidence.

 I have these all these strange feelings (ex: i know when a girl is hot but i also know when a guy is hot). how does one control his primitive sexual feelings. i want to be straight not bisexual, not gay, i want to be as straight as an arrow and yet i'm not? so the ultimate and final closing questions are can one control his/her sexuality? can one choose what to feel? and where does religion fit into all of this?